Where there is only dread and panic. Feeling that I can’t breathe. Trapped in my own head with my mind being mean to me. I have those days. Less often than before, but more intense🫣

Life here is sort of back to a routine. I’m happily back at work. Children at school and out-of-school activities. Keeping their schedules keeps me on schedule. I can prepare dinners again, help with the house chores like I used to. I can also be lazy and do absolutely nothing and still be content and happy. Life is good and the fact that I’m more appreciative of that makes it even more colourful🤩

And then that one day pops up. It doesn’t necessarily show its intentions immediately, but it makes its presence known eventually. I imagine it looks like a Disney villain, because, remember people, I’m magic and I have animated enemies🧚‍♀️

And on that day I imagine that my body is weak and it cannot fight and it gives up and no treatment works and I fade away and break the hearts of my loved ones. I tear up, I choke, and I eventually throw myself dramatically a la princess style who is trapped by the evil something (witch, warlock, dragon, stepmother, take your pick) on the bed or couch (not the floor, because there are no pillows there) and I have a good cry of despair. Then the next day comes and I’m euphoric. The world is mine and I’m radiating giddy happiness. I can do anything. I will do everything!🤗

How to get to a good day after the horrible one? I’m afraid there are no fairy godmothers for this. The trick is to let the bad day happen. To let it have its say, to share its thoughts, and let it hurt you and anger you. To ground you. And then, magically, it’s gone💫

I read somewhere that the Irish (don’t attack if it’s not valid) say “there is a sadness upon me” instead of “I am sad”. So I imagine a little sad cloud passing over and sitting on me for a while, keeping me company and then moving on. Then another emotional cloud comes to s(h)it on me. 

But when something s(h)its on you, well, no matter what, you can always take a shower or a bath, real or mental one, and wash it away. And then you can move on with your day and also, why not, your life *adds glitter*✨️