The answers that pop in my head are “amazing””the best thing that ever happened to me””I’m the luckiest person alive to have them”🤩

Because this has been extremely hard on them😔

Personally I’m having a hard time accepting that this is going to be part of my children’s childhood. Their mother having cancer💔

My first will remember everything, asking how I feel today and dreading the answer. My second counting how many more days left until my next chemo round, asking if that will take the cancer completely away. My youngest sharing with people and showing where my cancer is in my body and telling them how I’m taking medicines with a tube to push it out…

You can see them registering it all.

I can see them having to grow up a little faster than I would have liked. And the unfairness of it all. Them having to pull that extra weight, now that I’m basically only contributing as a dead weight (pun intended)😶

They have learnt to hug me softly, they have made it routine to tell their friends that today is not a good day for them to come by to our house, they kiss me goodnight and their eyes aren’t as carefree as before when they look at me😕

We asked them from day one to be open and ask anything and not to be afraid and that we wouldn’t lie. And if they were not comfortable to talk to us, that their friends, teachers, other family members, a specialist, are welcome options as well. Writing about it, drawing it, anything. We asked them to not keep it in, but to get everything out, because then it wouldn’t be so heavy. This has worked very well💗

They are wonderful children and I’m very lucky to be their mama. And once I beat this, I’m spoiling them to the point where you will judge me😁 But I don’t care. I’m fighting this for them💪

So I can watch them grow, drive me crazy and live their lives.

And I’m fully aware that soon the teenage years are arriving, but I’m planning for that to be the next difficult chapter of my life. And honestly, I’ll take it with open arms and the biggest smile!🥰

(and probably a peg on my nose🦨)