This one is gorry, proceed with caution.

I got sick. With no immune system present.

I have never ever felt so physically weak.

Apart from the sitting on the loo and emptying my guts in horrific ways and being thankful that the bathtub is next to me so I can angle myself correctly and aim to empty my stomach there, that is🤢

The scary thing was not being able to sit up or walk even. Passing out. People talking to you, you hearing them with your eyes closed and not being able to even move a finger to acknowledge their presence. No food or drink for 2 days because everything just comes out like a reflex. Feeling nauseous because you haven’t put anything in your stomach. Coughing up horrendous amounts of fluorescent green phlegm which induces vomiting up bile from a stomach that has nothing to offer😵‍💫

I lost a couple of days, I blacked out, my body took over and kept me asleep so it could cope. On the third day I lay awake in bed and didn’t pass out like the other times. I actually felt that I needed to pee. I sat up and got very dizzy and my heartbeat went up. I waited, caught my breath and then slowly and steady, went to the toilet. There is something magical after a painful diarrhea episode when you let out wind and it is just that. Wind. That was my first good sign👏

I managed to make it down to the kitchen and put some cornflakes in a bowl. I managed two spoonfuls and some water. It’s been 3 hours and I haven’t vomited. Second win👏

I’m feeling awful and resentful and all kinds of shades of anger and self pity and all I want to do is cry and scream, but I’m dehydrated, so my tear ducts are empty and my throat is closed up so screaming is not an option for a few days😑

So feeling sorry for myself it is. And that’s OK. The important thing is that I am feeling. And that, in my books, means I haven’t given up💪

Pic of me trying to be funny🙄