Looking for signs and becoming superstitious is something I’ve come across in the cancer world.

Getting the news on a specific day of the week, doing a scan at a specific time, wearing your lucky headband to your after-scan appointment, little rituals throughout the day. Or looking for shooting stars, seeing one magpie and desperately searching for the second one (two for joy), dream and googling the meaning😅

Personally, I’ve always been a bit aloof with all that. However, I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel lucky when this robin redbreast in my post landed and stayed a while in my garden or panicked with the nightmare of turning into a candelabra🫠

It’s part of human nature I guess, to look for signs or interpret what we think are signs.

However, I found myself becoming more confident since I got diagnosed. Yes, the first couple of days I was in a haze of shock, but after that, I braced myself and focused. And here I am.

But I don’t think I could have done that if I hadn’t had a good feeling. Because despite the awful news on that sunny June afternoon and despite the scans just confirming the worst fears of cancer having spread and placing me firmly at stage 4 and hearing the words “we can’t cure you, we can just treat you and aim to prolong your life”, I still said, smiling and them thinking me as a fool in denial, “it’s going to be ok”.

I told everyone that I have a good feeling. That I’m positive. And I wasn’t lying or trying to be brave. I believed it. I still do❤

My brain has been wrong more times than I can count. My heart has been horribly wrong too many times for its own good. But my gut has never been wrong. Not once. It has warned me always. When I listened it has always worked out. When I didn’t… well, some of those failures and life lessons have been gloriously epic and painfully cringe-worthy🫣

And my gut tells me it’s going as it should and it’s going to be fine. Even when I see one magpie, I know the other one is somewhere nearby. And when I dream of myself turning into a candelabra, well, I remind myself that Beauty and the Beast is my favourite Disney movie and I would make an excellent Lumiere, because I’m witty, suave and on fire🔥